Amazing piece, so glad you found relief and hope again. I did shrooms once in my 20s and it was not a good experience for me so idk if it would work for me (plus I live in the UK where this stuff is less accessible) but I have had gloomy thoughts and anxious nights multiply in my 40s for sure. It sucks. So sorry about your grandma, I had no idea about the suicide statistic but it makes such sense.