I always feel like a weirdo for not having therapized my trauma into the light and wrapped it in cotton candy and set it alight to float off into the sky or whatever people do. Not living in America for much of my adult life probably didn't help, therapy isn't big in the UK. I think like you sometimes life and age forces us to finally just deal with it, if we're lucky we are in a position to finally maybe face it.

You went through some really tough stuff, it's natural you were too young to process it. I know from my own experiences I always thought "Well it could have been worse". But it's not fair on any kid or young person, it's great you have the instinct to try to heal it in whatever way you can. I am uncomfortable talking about it with a stranger/therapist, so I am learning methods that resonate with me, mostly hippie/spiritual meditation, self-love, yada yada type stuff, I think with some progress. Removing the numbing agent of alcohol or whatever else we use is important I think. You have a great motivator in wanting to be a good Dad, am rooting for you and hope you can stick at it! :-)