I relate to this a lot. Also as a long term expat I find many expat blogs/writers online tend to take an overly sunny/"I'm on vacation/ life abroad is a blast!" approach that I grew out of a long time ago. Makes me feely overly grumpy or negative to say anything is unpleasant about life abroad, people seem to just want to hear the stereotypes they already have in their minds when I visit home. And you DO become a hybrid, I am such a hybrid now I no longer feel like I 100% fit in in my homeland either. And being there makes me more homesick so I can't even enjoy it fully. I don't know I think Covid just has me in a weird headspace regarding all of it, sorry! You are right though it is our story, I do like reading other expat stories like yours that articulate these feelings of displacement and culture struggles, so thanks! :-)