Thanks Michele, I will see if I can locate that book. I do generally feel lucky in that we did get out, I got to have a happy time in high school, college. But there were scars and hidden trauma ,coping mechanisms like eating disorders and then the cancer lol. My life has had its ups and downs, like anyone, I have tried to cultivate gratitude more, and it is helping, but yeah the whole thing with dealing with his death has just been a pain, expensive and difficult. He didn't really consider me at all in the end with what a mess his affairs were for how long he had been ill. I'm sorry you have dealt with it too. I think it's just dredged a lot of stuff up unsurprisingly! ❤