The cognitive dissonance, yes!! Such a red flag. And I recognize it and ignore it time after time lol. I think because I have mostly avoided it in romance I walk around pretty unguarded, think I can be friends with anyone, but it's always going to end badly with some people. Maybe someday I will learn, my tools right now feel blunt and clumsy but at least I have the awareness now to cut people out who try it with me. I'm sorry you have dealt with it too Ellen. I have a lot of learning to do, and with the grief situation I have a renwed feeling of why waste a minute on the wrong people. Thanks for reading. 🙏💗