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When December Feels Blue
I have no catchy subtitle
It snowed today for the first time in Scotland. Well, the first time we have had fluffy snow that stuck. There is maybe a couple of inches, nothing major by most standards, but we don’t always get much snow living on the coast so it usually excites me.
For a minute my heart leapt when I saw the pretty fluffy flakes floating down from the sky like we were in a snow globe. I had the immediate, irrational thought “Is this it? Am I going to start feeling Christmas cheer?” And then a few minute later I was crying in the bathroom. I don’t know why this week is so up and down for me emotionally, I am trying not to overthink it.
My halls are not decked, my presents not wrapped or even bought. We are spending Christmas at my in laws, not something I would prefer but I don’t really care about Christmas this year it turns out so maybe it will be a blessing in disguise. It never feels like Christmas to me there, it just reminds me of how far away I am from home and that I am a stranger in a strange land. At least in my own home I can recreate a facsimile of a festive feeling with familiar decorations, music and food (sort of, as I have mentioned before, they have no eggnog here amongst other things!).
I don’t know why we put pressure on ourselves to feel happy at Christmas, especially people…
